I miss you all in India a lot. I find myself getting nostalgic all the time. I got reminded of one such wonderful day in my life and wanted to share it with u all.
Now this happened when I was seven. It was a sunny winter morning, and as usual I was getting ready for school. Just then somebody from the other side of the wall called out loud, that dad got a phone call. Nobody nearby had a phone during those days, and I don't know how somebody called for us at the nearby post office and how the news of the mysterious phone call reached us.
My dad left immediately to get the message. He came back in a few minutes and told me the sweetest thing ever. "Neeku thammudu puttadu". Now I was so happy and excited, I immediately saw me and by brother playing cricket and all, I never realized he was seven years younger to me, and it could be some time before this could happen. I did go to school that day and told my friends and was on cloud nine all the time.
We reached Kothagudem, that weekend and went to the hospital where my mom was. I can never forget this day in my life. I walked slowly towards the bed, where I saw the most beautiful thing in the entire world, My Brother. So pink and small, sleeping peacefully and calmly with a smile on is face. Only when I saw him did I realize that he was a very small thing. I placed my finger in his palm and he instantly clung to it.
I remember somany things about you my brother. You were so small that you slipped and was about to fall in a small water tank. You were so fragile that you hit you head to the window and I cried as if I got hit. You were such a cunning rogue that you had a reason for everything. I remember the day when I stood crying in the bus stand when mom was taking you off to KGM. I remember when I used to dress you up when mom was in Vizag. I remember how you squealed your speech on independence day, in Sr.Kg. I remember how you used to ride to school on my bike. I remember how you used to fall asleep listening to stories lieing on me. I remember how you started crying when I scared you.
I miss you ra.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Cruel Inentions III
I was may be ten when this happened. We had a huge compound, with many coconut trees, a big mango tree and a small There were rows of beautiful flower plants on the two sides of the pavement to our house. Those were delicate plants bearing small cute flowers in many colors.
One evening I was all by myself in my house strollin in our compound enjoying the breeze. I had a long stick which I was swinging and playing happily. I happened to hit one of the flower plants. I decapitated it in one blow, the plant just fell down at that unexpected move. I wasn't even thinking about it, I was just thrilled with it. How powerful am I, I just killed something in one blow. Wow. Wicked. I continued, no one to stop me. Finally after the devilish fury, I looked back at the sorry sight. It was nothing short of a blood soaken battle ground after war. I stood and gazed at those plants helpless, some with broken branches some completely swept of the ground. They were demanding an explanation... Enquiring why I was so cruel. I stood there, with tears in my eyes thinking about what I did. I stood there ashamed at my action. I stood there as a murderer.
I can never forget that day. Never. I promised myself never to be cruel again. I feel bad everything we humans are cruel. I cannot understand so many things in this world. I cannot understand, how people can die to kill 30 others in a suicide bombing, how you can drive an aircraft straight into a building killing thousands. Who gave you the right to do that? Which religion asked you to do that? Iam not backing the U.S., I know it is suffering for what it did earlier. But why should innocent people suffer? Why should somebody jump out of a 100 storey building, because he couldn't bear the pain of burns. The picture is one of those which will remain ever, in my nightmares.
We should do something. We have a moral responsibility. We should stop these people. We should change things around. We should change our attitudes. We should at the least make this world livable for our future generations.
Its high time people.
One evening I was all by myself in my house strollin in our compound enjoying the breeze. I had a long stick which I was swinging and playing happily. I happened to hit one of the flower plants. I decapitated it in one blow, the plant just fell down at that unexpected move. I wasn't even thinking about it, I was just thrilled with it. How powerful am I, I just killed something in one blow. Wow. Wicked. I continued, no one to stop me. Finally after the devilish fury, I looked back at the sorry sight. It was nothing short of a blood soaken battle ground after war. I stood and gazed at those plants helpless, some with broken branches some completely swept of the ground. They were demanding an explanation... Enquiring why I was so cruel. I stood there, with tears in my eyes thinking about what I did. I stood there ashamed at my action. I stood there as a murderer.
I can never forget that day. Never. I promised myself never to be cruel again. I feel bad everything we humans are cruel. I cannot understand so many things in this world. I cannot understand, how people can die to kill 30 others in a suicide bombing, how you can drive an aircraft straight into a building killing thousands. Who gave you the right to do that? Which religion asked you to do that? Iam not backing the U.S., I know it is suffering for what it did earlier. But why should innocent people suffer? Why should somebody jump out of a 100 storey building, because he couldn't bear the pain of burns. The picture is one of those which will remain ever, in my nightmares.
We should do something. We have a moral responsibility. We should stop these people. We should change things around. We should change our attitudes. We should at the least make this world livable for our future generations.
Its high time people.
amma & nanna
Its been three days since i updated my blog. I miss writing already. It is a foggy and wet sunday morning here in Chicago. All my friends are cozy in their comforters but here iam, unable to sleep, thinking about innumerable things. It may be because of, my talk with my father yesterday or my conversation with my mom. Kept thinking all night, how lucky I am to be their son. Just wanted to thank them for everything. I am blessed to be your son. I will try all my life to make you proud.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
The Real World
Sometimes it seems as if we always live in virtual reality, assuming things and hoping for something to happen or waiting for something to happen. Wait is always not bad, but it sure becomes the worst when the wait only ends up as a big failure.
It gets interesting how different people console you, but I was really surprised on how many people use the age old, most used saying - "Everything happens for your own good." Sometimes it gets so annoying that I feel like hitting the consoler, but I know he wishes the best for me.
To be frank I was a pretty big believer in that saying and started looking at things differently, and true enough things turned out good. I was delighted and used the same saying to console others. But now when I sit and think about it, I realize everything happens as it should. We compromise saying to ourselves, everything happens for our own good. Something good happens and you say to yourself only because that bad happened earlier I am in this position, Aha, the saying is true. But after a few days bad repeats itself and the whole cycle repeats itself.
Will the cycle change if you stop thinking positive? May be... But I don't' get the point. Lets not think positive, lets think confident. Bad happened and it is definitely bad, so feel bad. Good happened, feel good. Enjoy it. There is nothing that defines positive nature. Do you think people who boast about their positive nature don't even have a pinch of doubt and anxiety, they sure do.
Sometimes it also seems being negative is better. If you are never confident of success, you always hope for the worst and even if it turns a little good you are happy. Its better than bragging about your positive nature and confidence and finally losing miserably and becoming the laughing stock.
I made many a mistake in haste or in pride, I only wish I don't make many more. Zero more mistakes is an impossible ask, None can ever achieve it, but high goals can help.
It gets interesting how different people console you, but I was really surprised on how many people use the age old, most used saying - "Everything happens for your own good." Sometimes it gets so annoying that I feel like hitting the consoler, but I know he wishes the best for me.
To be frank I was a pretty big believer in that saying and started looking at things differently, and true enough things turned out good. I was delighted and used the same saying to console others. But now when I sit and think about it, I realize everything happens as it should. We compromise saying to ourselves, everything happens for our own good. Something good happens and you say to yourself only because that bad happened earlier I am in this position, Aha, the saying is true. But after a few days bad repeats itself and the whole cycle repeats itself.
Will the cycle change if you stop thinking positive? May be... But I don't' get the point. Lets not think positive, lets think confident. Bad happened and it is definitely bad, so feel bad. Good happened, feel good. Enjoy it. There is nothing that defines positive nature. Do you think people who boast about their positive nature don't even have a pinch of doubt and anxiety, they sure do.
Sometimes it also seems being negative is better. If you are never confident of success, you always hope for the worst and even if it turns a little good you are happy. Its better than bragging about your positive nature and confidence and finally losing miserably and becoming the laughing stock.
I made many a mistake in haste or in pride, I only wish I don't make many more. Zero more mistakes is an impossible ask, None can ever achieve it, but high goals can help.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Cruel Intentions - II
Thank you friends for your valuable inputs. I will try to follow all your suggestions.
Coming back to how cruel we are. Today is a sad day. Do you know why? We executed a seventy seven year old, wheel chair ridden, blind old man for a crime he committed some 25 years ago. Is it human to do that? He was a bad man I agree, but how is killing him now, make the world a better place? It is actaully setting a bad example, to our younger generation and making them more harsh and cruel.
Don't you think the old man learnt a lesson living in the penitentiary for 25 years always thinking about what he did and always lving in fear of execution? How cruel are we?
Just think about all the movie we are watching these days. A popular hero kills a hundred people in a gore fest and what do we do? We cheer him. We adore him. And the movie is a sensational block buster. Movies which are sick and violent are the top grossing movies in the U.S.. We use graphics to enhance the effect of violence. Do we need to watch Jesus being nailed so exaggeratedly in order to believe in him or empathize his 'Passion'? Wha a shame. What have we come to.
Scores call out to stop the war. How many of those scattered voices are heard? I dont' remember the name of the great man who qouted this, I guess it is Sri Sri, but it is one of my favorites, it suffices to - 'What else is there in human history other than war and hatred?'. Just think about the current war. Laden master minded the 911 attacks. We killed everybody around him, we didn't care if they were innocent or not, we just terminated them. Later we waged a war on Iraq, killed thousands and we continue to kill more.
The whole logic is synonymous to this scenario - We know there is a rat in a house. What do we do? We kill all life in the house, because we are intelligent enough to know that a rat is a living thing. We are forgetting the actual reason to kill the mouse. We also bomb a neighbouring country, Pakistan just because somebody hinted some terrorist might be hiding there. We don't care if any innocent people die or if we are already making enemies for our future generations.
And Pakistan led by Musharaff, learn a lesson don't support evil as you will also fall under its wrath and struggle.
I can go on and on this. I will. May be sometime later. Please voice you comments too.
Coming back to how cruel we are. Today is a sad day. Do you know why? We executed a seventy seven year old, wheel chair ridden, blind old man for a crime he committed some 25 years ago. Is it human to do that? He was a bad man I agree, but how is killing him now, make the world a better place? It is actaully setting a bad example, to our younger generation and making them more harsh and cruel.
Don't you think the old man learnt a lesson living in the penitentiary for 25 years always thinking about what he did and always lving in fear of execution? How cruel are we?
Just think about all the movie we are watching these days. A popular hero kills a hundred people in a gore fest and what do we do? We cheer him. We adore him. And the movie is a sensational block buster. Movies which are sick and violent are the top grossing movies in the U.S.. We use graphics to enhance the effect of violence. Do we need to watch Jesus being nailed so exaggeratedly in order to believe in him or empathize his 'Passion'? Wha a shame. What have we come to.
Scores call out to stop the war. How many of those scattered voices are heard? I dont' remember the name of the great man who qouted this, I guess it is Sri Sri, but it is one of my favorites, it suffices to - 'What else is there in human history other than war and hatred?'. Just think about the current war. Laden master minded the 911 attacks. We killed everybody around him, we didn't care if they were innocent or not, we just terminated them. Later we waged a war on Iraq, killed thousands and we continue to kill more.
The whole logic is synonymous to this scenario - We know there is a rat in a house. What do we do? We kill all life in the house, because we are intelligent enough to know that a rat is a living thing. We are forgetting the actual reason to kill the mouse. We also bomb a neighbouring country, Pakistan just because somebody hinted some terrorist might be hiding there. We don't care if any innocent people die or if we are already making enemies for our future generations.
And Pakistan led by Musharaff, learn a lesson don't support evil as you will also fall under its wrath and struggle.
I can go on and on this. I will. May be sometime later. Please voice you comments too.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Cruel Intentions
Writing has never been my cup of tea, but always wanted to improve it. The very idea of voicing your opinions for your friends or anybody to read is a fascinating one. So, here I go writing my first blog after just returning from a long day, working. Now lets come to reality, here I am writing....But about what? Million Dollar Question.
Should I write my first essay about the amazing partnership between Sehwag and Dravid? Or about my trip to Pittsburgh? Or my amazing new camera? Or the movie I watched yesterday? naah.. too superficial. Let me think.
I shall write about something that moved my heart so much that I couldn't help thinking about it.
'Death'. Millions of people die everyday. Reasons are so many. You open your newspaper and you find nothing but tragedy and death all over it. In the recent past I have read about thousands dead due to war, suicide bombers, stampede in Haj, Katrina, Tsunami, air accidents.... The list is long. But this certain story is very disturbing atleast for me and I bet it is for many others.
An eighth grader shot dead by a policeman because he was supposedly carrying a gun to school. I certainly believe carrying a gun to school is bad and we also read about stories where kids and even teacher were killed and we certainly don't want anybody hurt. But by anybody, we mean everybody not even the culprit.
The culprit here was a teenager a mentally disturbed one. God knows what he has gone through at home, who knows what was on his mind? May be he was just trying to show off his 'PELLET GUN' painted black to his friends. May be he wanted to scare everybody. Nobody knows and nobody will ever know. We didn't send those kids, who really shot their peers at school, to the electric chair. Why does this kid deserve to die? Why? Why did the police man or whoever shoot him? Where was everybody? What were they thinking?
We are not living in a safe world. Infact we are all living so dangerously. Remember the day when a mentally unstable man was shot dead in an airplane because he claimed he had a bomb? Or do you remember the Egyptian man who was shot dead in London after the blasts, because he was brown, Muslim and a suspect? Or the thousands who died on 9/11. Why is the only question I have. Why?
We are all so cruel. So cruel that wild animals will pity us. How many terrorist lions exist and how many religious maniac bears exist? Animals are far better than we cruel and wild human beings.
I don't even think God can help us or forgive us.
Should I write my first essay about the amazing partnership between Sehwag and Dravid? Or about my trip to Pittsburgh? Or my amazing new camera? Or the movie I watched yesterday? naah.. too superficial. Let me think.
I shall write about something that moved my heart so much that I couldn't help thinking about it.
'Death'. Millions of people die everyday. Reasons are so many. You open your newspaper and you find nothing but tragedy and death all over it. In the recent past I have read about thousands dead due to war, suicide bombers, stampede in Haj, Katrina, Tsunami, air accidents.... The list is long. But this certain story is very disturbing atleast for me and I bet it is for many others.
An eighth grader shot dead by a policeman because he was supposedly carrying a gun to school. I certainly believe carrying a gun to school is bad and we also read about stories where kids and even teacher were killed and we certainly don't want anybody hurt. But by anybody, we mean everybody not even the culprit.
The culprit here was a teenager a mentally disturbed one. God knows what he has gone through at home, who knows what was on his mind? May be he was just trying to show off his 'PELLET GUN' painted black to his friends. May be he wanted to scare everybody. Nobody knows and nobody will ever know. We didn't send those kids, who really shot their peers at school, to the electric chair. Why does this kid deserve to die? Why? Why did the police man or whoever shoot him? Where was everybody? What were they thinking?
We are not living in a safe world. Infact we are all living so dangerously. Remember the day when a mentally unstable man was shot dead in an airplane because he claimed he had a bomb? Or do you remember the Egyptian man who was shot dead in London after the blasts, because he was brown, Muslim and a suspect? Or the thousands who died on 9/11. Why is the only question I have. Why?
We are all so cruel. So cruel that wild animals will pity us. How many terrorist lions exist and how many religious maniac bears exist? Animals are far better than we cruel and wild human beings.
I don't even think God can help us or forgive us.
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